Secrets and Sledgehammers
by beckettxwine
Summary: Castle and Beckett don't exactly get the reactions they were expecting when their secrets come out..


_Disclaimer: I do not own Castle._

Kate watched the elevator close as Castle stood inside of it. Angry. He looks so angry. Kate sighed and picked up her purse, reaching for her phone. Her coffee was still sitting on her desk, half filled. Kate lifted the cup, slipping her phone into her pocket. Castle always threw away her coffee when the day was over. Kate tossed her coffee into the trash and walked to the elevator, taking out her phone. No calls from Castle. No texts, either.

Kate stepped into the elevator and let her eyes scan the precinct. Gates' office. She'd been rather nice today. Well. Not nice, but she's getting there. Especially to Castle. Kate let a small smile light her face at the remembrance of his face when Gates assigned him to the paperwork. Maybe it's just the case. Maybe he's just trying to take in the end of the case.

But why wouldn't he do it with her? Kate stepped out of her car and hopped into the second elevator in the last ten minutes, letting the car ride her up to her apartment. When Kate stepped out of the elevator, she walked to the end of the hall, placing her key into the hole and twisting. Kate locked the door behind her and sighed deeply. Dropping her purse, Kate walked into her kitchen, filled her kettle with water and started to let it boil.

On her way to the bathroom, Kate stripped down and placed a bathrobe over her shoulders. Alexis. Oh. Kate rolled her eyes and walked into the bathroom. It was probably Alexis who was troubling him. She did seem really upset when Castle and her left Lanie's office. Kate started to run a bath and set her phone next to the tub.

Running back to the kitchen, she took out a cup of Ramen Noodles and filled the cup with the boiling water. Kate grabbed a fork and walked back to the bathroom. Stepping out of her bathrobe, Kate slid into the tub slowly. Halfway through her cup of soup, Kate picked her phone up and decided to text Castle.

'You left quick tonight. Thanks for help w/ the case. You okay? x, K.'

It didn't take him long to respond, but it was something Kate was definitely not expecting.

'Fine. Heading to bed. Night.' Kate pressed the call button and waited until he answered.

"Do we have a case?" Castle answered.

"No, we don't. What's wrong with you?" Castle sighed and cleared his throat.

"Nothing, Kate." Kate. Kate. Kate.

"Really? What if I told you I was in the bath?" Kate quirked.

"I would tell you that I'm tired and that you should call me if there's a case." He answered quickly. He still sounded angry. At her? Why?

"All right, Castle. Spill. I tell you I'm taking a bath and you don't even try to be funny? What's up?"

"Beckett I'm fine, alright?" Castle snapped. Kate sat cross legged on the bed and scrunched her eyebrows together.

"Alright," She wrapped her free arm around her own chest, the other hand holding the phone, "Well I'm here, okay? Always. You know that."

"Do I?" Castle let out a throaty chuckle. "Always? You weren't there for those three years in the summer, when I didn't even know if you were coming –"

"Castle," Castle could almost hear the panic in her voice.

"Back." He continued. But he wasn't done with her just yet. "Hell, I didn't even know if you were alright, let alone ali-"

"Rick." Castle immediately recognized the defensiveness in her voice. He could almost hear her placing the bricks back into her wall. It almost soothed him. "I don't want to have this conversation over the phone."

"I don't want to have this conversation at all," Castle muttered.

"Well I do!" Kate was starting to get frustrated. She was finally ready to talk about this, she was ready to take the next step in their relationship and this was how he was acting? What the hell?

"Of course you do, Kate. Because you always do what you want to do. What's better for you."

"That's not true, I-"

"I'm not having this conversation over the phone." He mocked her.

"So then when are we going to have it, Rick?" Kate asked.

Less than twenty minutes later, Kate was knocking at Castle's door, her arms crossed over her chest. When she finally got the guts to knock, Castle stood and walked the door, almost rolling his eyes at the fact that he literally waited for her, again. He almost whipped the door open, his eyes falling on her guarded stance. Why is she still so beautiful when he's angry at her? Castle almost wants to throw up because he still has the butterflies in his stomach that he had this morning before he heard what she'd said.

"I'm not going to easy on you." He states, crossing his ankles, still not letting her into the apartment.

"I wouldn't expect it," Kate responds coolly.

"I'm not going to have sympathy for you."

"Alright." Castle opened the door wider and Kate slowly walked into his loft. They were both angry. Castle so angry. But Kate couldn't help but still feel like she was walking into a safe place when she heard the door shut behind her. She still felt warm and protected in this place. It felt like home.

"Why did you lie to me?" Castle doesn't even let her ask if Alexis or Martha is here, he can't take not knowing anymore. How could she keep something like this from him? Something so big it could literally destroy everything they'd built up for the past four years? And then Castle's heart drops. Because he's being so defensive, so angry, so hurtful to her when he has a secret of his own. Hell, if he thought her secret could destroy them, just wait until she finds out about his murder board.

"What?" He asks, not hearing what she'd said a few seconds before.

"What did you mean why did I lie?" Kate's pose changes from her arms being crossed to them falling loosely at her side. Her hip cocks just the slightest and he notices she's wearing flats. He hasn't seen her wear flats since.. Well. He hasn't seen her wear them in a long time. She really doesn't know.

"'I was shot in the chest and I remember every second of it!' So it's not a blank? You did remember the gunshot? And what I said? And don't even try lying to me right now, Kate. Not to my face." Kate's face falls and her mouth opens and closes a few times.

"Rick, I-" Kate stops mid-sentence because, what is she going to say? She's sorry? He told her not to lie to him. She can't she's sorry when she's not. When the only reason she did it was because she couldn't hurt him with just a slight part of her, and not the whole thing. She couldn't bring herself into a relationship; she couldn't walk around and work with him knowing that he loved her when she couldn't give him anything back. Sure, she does love him, she thinks she always has, and-

"Kate," Castle finally says after Kate cut herself off, finally realizing she was speaking out loud. Castle takes a step toward her and she backs up, running into the island in the middle of the kitchen. Kate takes a deep breath and looks down, can feel the tears starting to sting in her eyes.

"I didn't want to hurt you." She finally gets out, still looking down. She probably looks so stupid right now. Stupid and lost and broken. She's toying with her thumbs and she keeps pushing her hair out of her face. She's trying to say the right thing and to not make him angrier at her, when he suddenly takes her by the elbows and is leading her into his study.

"Castle," She tugs one of her arms free and tries to turn around, but his hold is tight. "Was this your plan or something? Weaken me and then drag me to bed?" Castle stops now and looks at her, really looks at her. A few tears have made their way down her cheeks and the arm that Castle isn't holding is hanging slightly in her pocket.

"Kate." She looks down and tries to grab her arm free again. "Kate, look at me." When she finally looks up, fresh tears start to form at the sight of how much hurt is in his eyes. This is the reason she didn't tell him. The only reason he didn't tell her was because she was afraid of seeing what she was looking at right now. Pain, anger, hurt. So much hurt. Kate swallowed as his hand clenched tighter on her elbow.

"I would never, ever drag you to my bed. When we do _make love_," He puts so much emphasis on it because he wants her to know she isn't just going to be casual sex, she isn't just going to be something he forgets in a few years, it's going to actually mean something. "It won't be like this. Not when we're both angry and upset and especially not in this situation." Castle starts pulling her forward again and when they're both standing in front of the smart board he has in his study, he hands Kate the remote and sits in a chair nearby.

"I don't understand," Kate looks at the smart board and then at him. She clicks the power turn on and watches as the smiling faces of Castle and Alexis shows up on the screen. It's the desktop. She still doesn't understand. Castle stands again and walks to the board, clicking on the file on the desktop that's named '41319.'

Castle watches Kate, waits for the remote to get thrown, for her to scream, even walk out, but none of that happens. The document flashes through Kate's eyes and she steps forward to tap her own smiling face. She doesn't move. She doesn't run, and she doesn't scream when the faces of Montgomery, Lockwood, and the people associated with her mother's murder flash onto the screen. She just watches. Connecting the pieces together he figured out on his own, some of the things she doesn't understand yet, probably because she's never seen the information. Kate's eyes fill up with tears and she hands the remote back to Castle, walks to his desk in the study and leans against it.

"Two years ago, I could probably be really mad right now. I could probably walk out of here right now and never come back, never call you for another case and spend the rest of my time forgetting you." Castle winces at the sound of her voice, and then again for the words that are finally reaching his heart. "But not now." She finishes, and Castle's eyes snap to hers.

"What?" Castle tosses the remote onto the chair next to him and leans against the arm of the chair.

"If I walked out that door right now," She even points to it to emphasize her point, "I don't think I could go three more months without you." Kate's eyes never leave Castle's and even when he takes a deep breath and stands, she wants to finish. "I don't know when you did it, when you started or when it finally fell, but hell, you had a sledgehammer when you came at this wall I have. Did you know you're the first person I think about when there's a tough case? I don't even think about Gates, or Ryan first. I think about you, and how I need to make sure you're okay staying on the case. Because I want to protect you. Because I can't lose you."

"Kate, I lied to you," Castle lets out a long breath and is still waiting for the yelling that probably won't come.

"And I lied to you. And people make mistakes but come on Castle, really? This," She points to the murder board he's set up, "I don't want this to be the thing that ruins what we have. Do you remember what you said to me before Montgomery died? You said that I was falling back down the rabbit hole. And I was. I don't think I would have ever gotten out of it again if it weren't for you. I would probably still be looking into the case right now; I would probably still be searching for my shooter right now if it weren't for you. I love my mom and God, I miss her, but I can't have her case controlling me anymore. I want to be with you, so much. With the case solved or not." Somewhere in what she was saying they've both moved closer to each other and when the 'or not' slips off her lips she feels Castle wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Kate," he murmurs in her ear. "Kate, Kate, Kate," he keeps whispering it. To her, for her, for him. Kate's arms wrap around his neck and she lets her body fall into the almost molded spot for her in Castle's arms. Kate takes a step back, but she still has her hands on his arms.

"I can't promise you to be the best woman, or the best girlfriend. I can't promise to not get angry at little things and snap at you when I haven't had my coffee, but I can promise you that I will try. So hard." Kate's hands have moved and cupped his face. "You need to promise me something."

"Kate," Castle says, as if that's the only thing he can say anymore.

"Rick," The name, his own name, one he's heard for years, makes his heart fly when it comes out of her mouth. "If you work on this case, I work with you. And if I work this case, you work it with me. Together. And you have to promise me that if I start falling you'll grab me by anything you can reach and drag me back up to you."

"I promise Kate," Castle rests his forehead against hers. "I promise," He whispers.

And their lips meet.

_A/N: I… Yeah. So I started this in my Street Law class yesterday, and this happened. I don't know how. I didn't have any control over this story. It was all my fingers and Castle and Beckett. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this! Read & review? Thanks!_


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